I'm not dead

I've been away a lot over the past couple of weeks - at other people's expense I'm delighted to add. Will be back with more hilarious and entertaining bird updates and smoking whinges just as soon as I catch up with all the stuff I omitted to do while I was away.

While I was off gallivanting, the lovely Vanesita went and got herself hitched, ditching her feminist values and opting to take Tito's surname, which no one in the UK will be able to pronounce properly. But before we eject her from the sisterhood forever, it's worth bearing in mind that she's having all kinds of fun with the authorities over there and taking his name has got to make life a bit easier for her. Plus, I don't think she was too enamoured of her father's surname anyway. No one knew how to pronounce that one either.

I wish I'd been there to see her tie the knot. She's been out with some crazy people in her time but none of them have been crazy enough to want to marry her until now. I'm now getting beside myself with excitement at her imminent return, planning all the crap I'm going to offload onto her as soon as she walks through my door. It's time for a spring clean and Mrs V is soon going to have a whole new load of material possessions to replace all the stuff that got nicked. I bet she can hardly wait...